Is it who we are or is it what we do?

So it's past 5pm on Monday and the job I told myself I would do first today still has been left undone. Of course, sadly, this is not the first day that this has been my reality. In fact for the last three weeks I've been chasing my tail ....my wife would say its been since August (yes, sadly she has now put a picture of me on the fridge door along with all the other friends we see once a year - and no, I'm not proud of this confession - but it is the first time for several years.)

But now, I'm closing my door, switching to my answering machine and getting this done - or am I?
Is this my tension?
Is this the leadership article we want to blog as our first official virtual mentoring article for church leaders?

.......... "Do we ever switch off? Are we ever off-duty? Can we ever truly shut the door? Can the
world outside ever stop getting inside?"

I've heard and read Bill Hybels on The Art of Self-leadership ....and nod fervently and fully agree.
I've read Dallas Willard's The Great Omission and been challenged by the early Church Fathers discipline towards solitude.
My best buddy Stuart (involved in some amazing missional stuff up in Canada ......and will write us a leadership article in coming months) has duly spoken severely to me about switching off and so I slow down on Monday mornings to read, pray, listen.
I've heard Bart Campolo talk about self survival and the need to escape to survive.

But can you truly do it?

It's like farmers in our community ....always farmers; 24/7; spring, summer, fall and winter- when at the local football game, when drinking coffee at church, when shopping with their wife's (although I've never known a farmer to go shopping with their wife!)
It's like mom's ....even when at the coast with their husbands ....still calling the kids back home 'just to make sure' ...you can tell I speak from experience 'come on babe call once but every hour on the hour and especially this hour - ah em'!!!

Does your mind ever stop thinking about life, faith, the lost and how to do better?
Can you ever stop the world outside coming inside - can you ever switch off?

Now I know some leaders who tell us they do ....but I'm unsure how honest their being? I mean they may be at their cabin in the mountains or hanging with their kids ...but are they really fully present?

I spoke about that some months back in a preach ......how present are we when we're there?

Now before you run too far ahead of me and have me conclude something that I'm not concluding. I need to say we need to rest. We need to do self-leadership well. We need to hold to the Sabbath. We need to be able to be fully present ...and not running to the next thing. We need to redefine who we are not by how busy we are but by who we are becoming. We need solitude. We need ...and so the list rolls. I remember John Ortberg preaching a message about ruthlessly eradicating hurry from your life and that's one of the main reasons I don't carry a cell phone and I've learned to drive slower - and enjoy it. I also agree that the western order of living is incorrect - start at sunrise end at sunset, the Hebrew order of the day is God;s order - start sunset to sunset.

But ....this tension thing. Do we only do rest by switching off the leader/pastor antenna? Is there times when we can truly close the door and keep everything else out?
Is the model of rest and closing the door ...the right model or a model that only ever generates guilt.
Why do I feel guilty that today I did not get done all I was to get done ...and so to try to relieve that guilt I'm closing the door to make sure I get it done.

Got me thinking about the Sabbath. Was the Sabbath to withdraw from society or was the purpose of the Sabbath to make sure that in our journey we didn't miss God. Is the whole purpose of live - making sure we don't miss God.

Did I miss God today by not getting done the things I needed to get done - or did I not get done some things today - but today I was still with God ....and that's all that counts.

Is there the possibility that my best leadership does not come by accomplishin the tasks - even the task of rest, but my best leadership comes through not missing God - even if that's in the mess and unaccomplished tasks of the day.

I guess the only problme is - how do you explain this to your spouse or your Board????

So - anyone willing to engage? How do we hold the tension of being pastors or leaders ....its what we are ...don't ask me to switch off from being that. Or is it a being thing or a doing thing? What does it mean to say "I am a leader" or "I am a pastor"? How far do you take it?
By the way ....my door was closed and my phone was off ..but I still met with two people, answered one call and made one call while writing this blog....aaargh!!!

Have I proven the point or just highlighted one of my biggest flaws?